I am grounded i am humble i am one with everything.

I would go so far as to say that im depressed and

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the fault is all my own.

I hope im not making a complete and utter scissorbill of myself with rose im just not very used to anyone itching as they await lending their ears to my doltish gabbings. As a matter of fact as of late im better adjusted to the exact opposite.

I dont love you im just passing the time.

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If it werent for jane id surely be six feet under or worse i. I love her i want nothing more than to hold her tight and spoil her rotten and bear witness as she spreads her figurative wings and soars. If anyones deserving of it gosh almighty its her.

I put everyone through hell did i?

Id like to get teed off but i suppose hes right. Absolutely right as a matter of fact. Thats all im good for back then and now as well. But thats perfectly alright ill count my losses and gash these ties for the second time. Its clear i was never meant to get in touch with my old companions again. I havent the foggiest idea as to why i thought id muddle along without causing a complete and utter foofaraw in their midst.

This will be it. I said it once before but by no means will i put them through this type of ordeal ever again. And i figure by ordeal i mean a mutual attachment with a ha̦l̩f̰̻̰̝̥̠w̼i͉̳ț̙ ͉͖̞͙͕̩͍l͍̠̬i̤̦k̭̳̪͚̺ͅe̸̙̻̙͡͡ͅ ͞͏̻̼̦̱̹̥m̯͚̣̥̕͢ͅͅy̢̨͈̫̮̥̲̩̠͈͡͝͡ş͞͡͏̰͉̟̟̯͉̳ͅe̴̺̼̟̜͟͠ͅl҉̱̩͎̣̟̺͙͖͓̭̫͉͎̼͙͜f̡̺̞͉̝͎͇͓̮͎͈̲̟̯̩̤̬ͅͅ

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I cant be thinking that a friend of mine is too attractive for their own well being it doesnt end well.

Id like to be involved with someone who feels desire for me exclusively but for all i know thats as far fetched as the idea of being involved with someone in the first place. The more i ruminate on it the more im coming into the view that im not meant for courtship.

I can t do this i cant do this i cant break down like this when jane i s here and asleep no less i cant i need to slice up my skin so badl y but I CANT.

"Son you got an angel to chase the devil at night.”

Once in a while im confronted with these booming urges to submit myself to such a great deal of bodily agony and discomfort that i dont know myself by sight anymore. This would bring me some sense of coziness or at the very least i imagine it might as i dont very well identify with myself internally as of a year or so ago.